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No aspect of male/female relationships has been more distorted by feminist theory than the roles of dominance and submission. It’s got to the point where one can hardly broach this subject – unless one is into BDSM! And so the complexities and paradoxes of dominance and submission are not understood. Submission can be a highly active and directed activity. By offering submission, implicit demands for care and emotional investment are placed on one’s partner. It may look like surrender but it’s really a subtle but powerful negotiation tactic! And likewise, dominance in a relationship isn’t just about asserting authority. It’s also about providing care, comfort and security. This obligating submission and benevolent dominance are a big part of the age-old mating dance between men and women – a dance we all seem to have forgotten the steps to.
Unlearning the feminist dogma and relearning a few steps of the mating dance has certainly improved my marriage. Mrs. wavevector has been happier, more secure, and more amorous since I’ve become comfortable performing the benevolently dominant role (a role I play largely for her benefit). And few joys compare to the love, care, and devotion I feel for her when she is lying sweet, soft and submissive in my arms.
60Hope November 8, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Sassy, your broken family did a number on you. Mine did the same to me, but I grew up with such a traditional culture that it counteracted a lot of it. Plus I had loving male relatives/figures in my life, which was a blessing. You have a really hard time with men and monogamy, and the idea of family and children, which is understandable. But going down that experimentation route isn’t going to be fulfilling or fix the hole in your heart left by your father. I would suggest some real soul-searching and maybe at least a break from all dating activities for a while.
Believe it or not, I once considered non-monogamy, too. I quickly realized it was total BS. :P
61Wencil November 8, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Susan, hook up culture exists at most colleges but it is totally missing from other colleges
Just to cite one example, there is no hooking up at byu. There is assortive mating where the 6′s pair off with other 6′s. just like in your idealized scenario
It is quite possible to skip the hookup culture. Just choose the right college
62INTJ November 8, 2012 at 11:52 pm
I’d imagine an “Ask me on a date!” t-shirt would work wonders!
63INTJ November 8, 2012 at 11:53 pm
@ HanSolo?
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